"The Obsessed Gardener" by Chris Woods
Are you one?
Take the test.
Normal Gardener ...... Obsessed Gardener
You won’t leave town when your tulips are in bloom
…or your daffodils, your lilacs, your wisteria, your roses, your clematis, your lilies, your hydrangea, your asters…….
You invest in fine gardening tools.
You keep spare tools in your car for gardening emergencies.
You have a compost heap.
You take its temperature every day.
You can’t believe you ordered so many bulbs last fall.
It wasn’t enough.
You know the Latin names of your plants.
You use them in conversations…with the plants.
You have dirt under your fingernails.
You can crush a Japanese beetle in your bare fingertips.
You love the sound it makes when you do.
You had a soil test.
You studied for it.
You love gardening more than anything.
“And what’s wrong with that?”
You buy composted cow manure to top dress your garden.
You buy a cow.
You know the virtues of hand weeding.
You have a charge account at the local garden store.
Your spouse buys all your Christmas presents there.
Source: Chris Woods, "Are You an Obsessed Gardener? Take the Test!" The Weeders' Reader--Greenprint's Greatest Stories (January 2000).